Tag Archives: Social

Storm Clouds

There is this misleading concept about mental health that people who have issues do it to themselves. That they see the negative in every little situation and then just focus on it until they’re in a “bad mood”, and the way people react to problems is “wrong”. That the solution is to just think positive and all the problems will magically go away.

 

When people ask me what it’s like to be in my head, I try my very best to explain it as simply as I can- and try to make it clear that more than one thing is happening at a time.

Most days, it’s like having 20 people whispering in my ear and saying all kinds of things to me, but, I can never quite understand what they are saying. Strange right? Try to think of listening to a podcast but with broken headphones, everything is just sort of mumbling along and you can’t interact with it, and the people just keep on talking. Differentiating between what’s in going on in my head and the buzz of people around me- it’s hard to describe that properly- is maddening.

Trying to be productive, play with my dogs, go to work- plain and normal things, is so exhausting to think about, let alone do. While I try to do these normal things it feels like I’m going in slow motion or walking through sand. Struggling to move, breath, walk and sometimes even talking is hard. Hell even trying to type this is stupidly hard.

These things I’ve learned to deal with- not well I might add- but good enough for now. Something else that happens is when anything makes me nervous or stressed or anxious- everything in my head turns off. I can’t function, everything goes grey in my head and I’m basically a walking zombie. I lose hours of time where I can’t remember what happened or what I did. Honestly it scares me. Sometimes I think that because of some of the illnesses I have that affect the connective tissues in my body that it also affects my memory, no proof to that of course, but it’s my theory.

 

Imagine living like that- never being able to be in the moment and happy; always either off or over processing the information around you to try and make it make sense. Being so mentally tired that you can sleep for 12, 14, 16 hours in a row and wake up and want nothing more than to go back to bed.

It’s like reliving a storm everyday. Calm and cloudy, then storm clouds roll in and turn everything grey, downpours of water and wind 100mph blowing everything around and messing everything up, bits of your life smashing into other things, all while having to stand there and knowing there is nothing you can do to stop it, then watching it calm some for the night and… just starting over the next day.

 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it until the day I die- You cannot think yourself into being healthy and happy when it comes to mental health, as much as we wish we can. At this time in my life, I feel like all I do is rearrange the flowers on a table in a burning house while saying ‘everything is better now, I’ve fixed it’.

 

 

Until next time,

With love,

Sirius

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Social Dynamics of Validation

Have you ever thought about why we all subconsciously strive for validation, even from complete strangers?

Why is it when we do things like post a picture for example, we sit there waiting for someone to like it, or comment on it. Even a picture not of you, something simple, like a feather. Even though you took the picture, you know it’s good and beautiful in your eyes, you still wait for someone to agree with you. ¬†Why do humans think like this?

Oh what, you think you’ve never done that? Well think about it for a minute. Have you asked someone if that outfit looks good on you, if your new hair cut is good, if someone likes your new tattoo? Yes? Well then, you’ve looked for validation. Do we not trust our own judgment? Is that why we do it?

It’s not a bad thing really, but if your life gets to the point where you can’t do anything without someone else’s say so… Well… That’s not a healthy way to live. I have found myself asking others’ opinions on things that they shouldn’t have an opinion on, like my one of my tattoos, one of the more visible that I have. I was asking my sister who went with me what she thought. I was sending pictures to my mom asking her opinion. She wasn’t answering me for about half an hour, and I was happy with the way it looked. You know what happened? She said she didn’t like this one big part of it, and after everything was all said and done? It has ended up being my favorite part.

The take away I learned from that experience? That while other people can give you their opinion, yours is the only one that matters at the end of the day. Your life, your choices. People can’t make choices for you. You can be influenced by them, absolutely, but at the end of the day, You made the choice.

I’m not sure what brought this train of thought on tonight, but it’s very interesting to think about. Have humans always been this way? Has it gotten worse the more social media grows? Having access to millions of people world wide without having to leave your house? I would think that, if nothing else, that has pushed us into looking for approval more. Being able to say or post a picture of something we have/done for basically the world to see, instantly?

 

While seeking approval and validation is good for somethings, don’t let it consume your life.

 

With love,

Sirius FeatherFeather2Orangeflower2